Let me tell you a bit where this anxiety came from: a) I grew up in a culture wherein ideal communication stems from a place of nearly perfect grammar. And old me, in SFI, couldn't even place which word is an ett or an en! b) coming from a perspective of a person who built a career in a specialized field of communications and research, I was suddenly thrown in at the deep end of a language that is quite unforgiving.

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Yes, swedish is quite unforgiving. One wrong pronunciation has the potential to lead to a misinterpretation. Some would argue that swedish grammar is similar to english therefore it would come easy to those who has a good command of the latter. Let me tell you that it ain't so. Furthermore, every individual has a different learning curve: some are starting from a totally different alphabet while others from a difficult level of adult learning.

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I was very conscious of my grammar and my pronunciation that I find myself clamming up most of the time and feeling inferior. I always had this feeling, this heaviness that is almost similar to remorse, that, had it been in my mother tongue, I would have expressed my views fluently and fluidly. But still I persisted, or should I say, kämpade på. There is no way but THAT way. I spoke swedish at work, with my family and to a few of my friends.

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A colleague of mine once asked me why I didn't talk during an APT. She said she was interested to hear how the pre-school system works in my country. Perhaps that was the turning point, an epiphany you may call it, that may it be being silent or speaking up, my swedish grammar and pronunciation will never be perfect, not in the next few years or maybe never ever.

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I still have moments of ”language anxiety” or ”språkångest” every now and then. But definitely lesser now than before. And in times like these, I switch to the old reliable swenglish. Because it is better to get your point across than to suppress those thoughts and ideas whatever they may be, eller hur?